Peanut Butter

"You smell like peanut butter breath."

Jenny Lewis

Me-"Jenny Lewis is actually pretty famous. She performed on--"
Diane-"Say Gossip Girl!"
Me-"No!"

Diane, on Betty Boop

"I hate that Puerto Ricans are stealing Betty Boop! She's Italian!"

Insults

"Bitch, it looks like you ate a cheeseburger!"

Swine Who?!

"I ain't 'fraid of no pig ghosts!"

Father of the Bride

Me-"They should do Father of the Bride part 3."
Diane-"Grandpa Banks!"
Me-"He's already a grandpa."
Diane-"Oh, yea."

Starvin' Cats

"David I gotta get this food off the floor before the cats get it and start to think I wanna feed them!"

Realzies

"...but for realzies! Not for fakezies!"

Balonaah

"Balonaah!"

It's da troof

"I didn't raise no rag-a-muffin!"

Diane, on The New Saturday Night Live Cast

"They got rid of the horse nose bitch!"

Halloween

"I wanna be Betty White for Halloween."

Gross

"I feel like I'm in a baby orgy."

Gas

"Oh! I farted. It felt great!"

Diane, on Geometry

"--because chickens are shaped in the rings."

Words

"You can play telephone with that. Cellphone. French fry. I almost said pickle."

Dumb Crazy

"I already lost 15 pounds. I think that's dumb crazy."

Dumb Blind

"You are dumb blind."

Bra Stuffing

"I have a pillow case down my shirt."

Dumb Cheap

"That's dumb cheap."

Precious

"That looks like the girl from Sapharri what-cha-ma call it's Precious."

Shooting the Beef

"Where's the beef? Not with that guy, he got shot for it."

Da-Da-Doctor

"What's that Doctor rapper?"

Panty Phone

"I couldn't find my cell phone this morning, then I remembered in the middle of the night I put it in my underwear."