Diane, on Senior Citizens

"Hang the fuck on! Does that cute little old lady have a ponytail, WITH a red ribbon in it?! And she's cuuuute!"

Fanta

"Fanta Fanta dontchya wanta!? No I don't, ya look contagious."

Bootylicious

"Don't be mad you can't handle all this jelly!"

Hair Removal

"Where's my random long hair that grows out of my arm?"

Weave Drama

"That girl looks like she got a Chow-Chow for a hair piece!"

Book Smart

"So my Co-Worker at Barnes and Nobel said I'm not book smart, I'm Nook smart. I told him no, I ain't no book smart! I'm Nook smart! Because Imma hoe!"

A.C. Stands for Ass Crack

"Whenever we turn on the a.c. for the first time it smells like butt sweat."

English Miffins, Part Deux

"The leggings were a bright red. Let you see every nook and cranny, like that other woman from before."

Downer

Diane-"I got some Reese's Pieces."
Me-"Reese's!?"
Diane-"Pieces."

Diane, on Abduction Bias in the Law Enforcement Field

"Kids don't put the kid in kidnapped!"

Ole'

"Bongos, chimi-chongos."

Tag-Team Advertising

Me-"Overheard Diane Say.com!"
Diane-"Blogsplot!!!"

Huh?

"Who was that? What did I say, I mean? Why did I say it?"

English Muffins

"That woman should not wear a light colored shirt on a sunny day, because she got a shadow in every nook and cranny."

Body Parts

"Uuh! You hit me between my fibula and tibia! Of wait, fibula and tibula are in the leg. I still sound smart. Femur! Vas dif-er-ence!"

Cirque de Soleil

Diane-"I can't bend down like that!? This ain't no Circus Ole' shit!"
Me-"Cirque de Soleil, Diane."
Diane-"Circle da soil!"

Donut Shmonut

"Boston cream donuts are good! Take it as a compliment they're sold out. You got goood taste with baaad timing."

Fegan Mox

"We dislike the Fox of Megan."

300th Post Spectacular!

"There was something I wanted to tell you about something someone said that sounded like something you would put on the website."

Soda Stop

Dj-"What would you like to drink from Taco Bell?"
Diane-"Three dollars."