Diane, on Zoology

Diane-"You know if there's a baby bear there's a momma bear."
Me-"And if there's a momma bear--"
Diane-"they were black bears, there ain't no poppa bear."
Omg.

For the love of Snookie

"That guy was nice, but he looked like he was from Jersey Shore. He hung out with Shnookie last night. Oh hey I'm Shnookie! Am I Shnookie or Snookie?"

Can't read her Poker Face

"I thought there was Lady Gaga candy at CVS. Turns out it was Barbie with bangs and sunglasses."

Diane, on dog pregnancies and Jacob from Twilight

"Taylor Lautner is my baby daddy, who isn't born yet because you know how dogs are pregnant for nine weeks."

Diane, on Rihanna

"Oh! She looks funny, she dresses funny, she's a funny ha ha singer!"

She's got me there...

Me-"You're very judgmental."
Diane-"So are you! Your a hypocrite! Just look at that website!"

Road Rage

Me-"keep texting and driving and I'm throwing your phone out the window."
Diane-"And I'll stop over and pull off where you want me to pull. You understood it. Made perfect sense in hear."

Diane, on STD's

"In two years statistically I'm supposed to get an STD since I'm over the age of 25. Will I? Who knows!" (Said in a Chris Rock voice)

Check it at the door!

"Is the bank even open? Even if its not I'm gonna stand in line, and if they tell me to leave I'm gonna tell them to check my cash! Check my cash at the door!"

Class act

"Did you hear that? That was allll my butt hole wind!"

Words I NEVER needed to Overhear Diane Say

"Tell me about it! I was a virgin and she thought I was this sex queen who knew everything about anal sex!"

Presents

Diane-"Happy birthday David! You can have Logan!"
Me-"you're a month late, or eleven months early."
Diane-"I'm a procrastinator, or a really good sista!"

Gimmie' Some!

Diane-"You got candy!?"
Me-"Nutigrain bar."
Diane-"I want half!!!!"

She uses her son as a weapon!

"Go get that cat. Kill it, skin it, choke it. Don't touch its butt hole though."

I work hard for my money

"Employee of the month with status, uh, burr...with his, working. Working with his, statuses. I mean, phrases. What is that call with the, hey, punctuality?"

Lolcats

"I'm in your facebook makin mean lying statuses. CRAZY CAT PICTURE."

Not the Goose Project!!!!

"I don't understand why they want to tag my pictures in a goose project."

Wiitarded

Playing mario kart
Diane-"oh no, oh no a blue shell."
Rob-"what does that do?"
Diane-"it explodes me."

Classics

Me-"I'm playing sudoku."
Diane-"Spell it. S-u-duku. No you dontko!"

Can't believe she said it!

Me-"Clair on Lost is going to have her baby on the island, with no anesthetic."
Diane-"And no disinfectant. Talk about a sand vagina."

Stop n' Go

Diane's effective when it comes to getting out of traffic. "I'm bout to drive on the grass, and through the trees, and over to grandmas house we go."

Aroun' da worl'

Me-"Looks like Amanda in the car in front of us, but Amanda don't ski."
Diane-"Sounds like a Polish lastname, Butamandadontski."

Little Dog

Diane-"Is that a little dog!?"
Me-"That's a coffee pot."

A shot of Diane, part duex

"I know I'm not Tila Tequila, but I can't think of reasons why I'm not Tila Tequila. I'm Tila Tequila!!!"

A shot of Diane

"I'm the new Tila Tequila, except not asian, I'm straight, and I wasn't engaged to a hotel heiress who died, well, wait."

Whom!

Me-"I just spelt whom, h-o-o-m"
Diane-"woom"
Me-"no, H"
Diane-"woom"
Me-"diane, H"
Diane-"woom!"
Me-"H!"

Hide'n out

"damn! what's wrong with me seeing trees and shrubs and thinking they're animals! talk about camal-flauge!"

A message from Diane

"To whom it may concern. Diane is really smart and good at math. Please disregard these saying from her having a good time and not using the brain. Da end."

Nuts

"My imagination is getting the best of me. I thought I just saw santa maria made out of snow in a tree."

City of dreams

"Oh the park city! It ain't the nosey city, so see you're way out of it!"

$$$

"Put your money where my mouth is, cuz I'm broke."

Drive by

"Sorry what you starring at dummy!? Acting like I'm some hunch back, I ain't no hunch back!"

Click clack, click click

"Maybe by then they'll be so intelligent that they'll discover some other language to talk with made up of clicks. Click click click."

Lonely, so lonely

"I see the bumper sticker, then I see the driver and see she has no ring on her finger, which means she's sad and alone and has lots of pets."

huhh

"Fingersoles. Finger icicles. Imagine that!"

Who you beep'n at?!

"I'm recycle'n. You can't beep at someone that's recycle'n."

Foil, part duex!

Diane-"You peel off the foil for a suprise. Its like a Cazzberry easter egg!"

Me-"its Cadberry."

Diane-"What I say?"

Foil!

Diane, after the pizza she made stuck to the foil it was cooked on- "oh man. Well, everybody, grab a spoon."

We don't need no water, let it burn

"Da roof, da roof, da place next to peoples bank on main street was on fire."

Oh geez

A special Tina addition of ODS.
Tina- "I can wear puke green because I'm puke green."

Dance!

"I want to be a choreographer for R and B groups. Well, not groups, I want to be a choreographer for R and B artists back up singers."

Miles Prower

Diane, on her math skills. "I love sonic. This is how I got so good at math, countin' rings."

Diane angry! Diane smash!

"I don't like the bitch. She's bad news. She's a fucking slut. Lots of pent up frustration."

Taking it a little to far

Diane being mad I didn't buy her a coffee "There is a time period where... When you buy something there's a time period... Shit, I raped some little boy six years ago but the statute of limitations proves me innocent!"